I define him as a black hole, so controvertial, regardless so true. He appeared in my life one day. His smile, his style, his posture and everything he had on him that day, attracted him to me. I fell in love. Love was not the feeling that I imagined it to be. It was not something magical, it was rational. It was not sudden, it was circumstantial. It was not tranquil, but exciting all my feelings. The mortal love that I experieced in movies and dramas had stories, but the love I found was momentary. We saw each other, he wrote to me and everything started, just like that. If people meet each other and make their decisions whether they are really for each other, our case was different, at least I believe it to be different. We just fell in love and met each other to confirm that opinion. However, no one knows for sure until time proves it for us. It is my stream of consiousness. White paper and the words that come from my mind. I just saw him, with his friends. All those imperfections, all what I do not like about him, all that make him little bit unattractive in rational mind. But just like I love my family, I know that I love him like that, even his imperfections now escape my rational mind. I do not want to love even his imperfections, I want to fix that imperfections. I will not accept him as he is for a long period of time, because I will make him better man and I will be better women for him. Maybe this is who I really am. The one who will help others to become better. I will not force my thoughts on him, I will not be the force that enters to his life uninvited and storm out all his achievements of life. But I will make suggestions, if he loves me he will accept them if he does not then he will have to let me go. I think I see him through. If he is a flower, I am and observer. If we is a coffee, I am a taster. I think I can judge him and in turn I will also give him a right to judge me. I grant him approval to be part of my life and to improve me, and instead I will require the same right from him, because I think I will get to know him better then he know himself and he will get to know me better then I know myself. I am ready to sacrifice my life for him. I am ready to go through this long life, depending only on him. But I want to make sure, he will become the man whom I can be proud of, whom I can trust my life with, whom who can make me his best friend, not only the life partner, or the woman who he want to spend his lifetime with. I want to be his eqaul and he must see me like that ,treat me like that, but also help me to make be better of myself. But still I believe this is love, my heart beats fast, by glance betrays my emotions, my thoughts wander a lot , but all about him. A Day goes so fast thinking about him, imagining future with him, wishing days would pass fast enough so that our history will be long enough to talk about worthy future. I want everyday to be with him, I want every memory be worthwile, I want him to be next to me, observing, standing witness to see how my life with him will unfold. This is definition of love for me. The one who enters my mind uninvited, but receives warm welcome. Whom I do not want to think about, but once enter my thought becomes great topic to be enteratained with. Love, may, for me, the familiar feeling, makes me comfortable, human and may be live worthy. I want to be mother one day… I really do…

I have one big dark imagination that I rarely scare myself of. That is what if I am not physically capable of giving birth…But only if and only if I am not available to bear any child, I want a companion who would accept me even if I am baren, if unable to bear children to share my burden of sorrow, to stay by my side and share my emotions, to wait for tears to dry up and try to cheer me up and look for other opportunities. I believe he will be able to do that. I can feel his heart for me. I can feel, he will not let me down, no matter what happens, I want him to be that one that I was looking to appear in my life, on the road, waiting for me to be the taxi driver.

I will invite him to my taxi, and happily will carry him to any destination that life want to take us. We will share the direver’s seat. There can be any arguments, but for taxi not get involved in any accident, we will find our way to negotiation and happy comprimize for each others benefit.